my freckles

for the parts of our bodies that we're learning to love

My freckles are constellations on my body.

When I came back from Hawaii, I was met with a resounding, “You didn’t tan at all!” from friends and an even louder, “Did you forget to put on sunscreen while you were there?” from my mom.

Evidence of my time under the sun is only visible close-up. You need to peer into my face to see the new freckles underlining my eyes while traversing my nose bridge. Only then can you trace them down from my cheeks, to my chin, to the great splatter on my arms. They are a diverse array of light, dark, round, oval, wide, and small, revealing their true shape only to those who look long enough at them.

My mom swears I will hate my freckles when I’m older. She promises this daily as she covers up hers with foundation each day. Meanwhile, my husband remains committed to the fact that this is his favorite feature of mine, especially when he points them out during long car rides under the harsh California sun. On the particularly radiant days, he’ll bring them up with a little gasp.

“Your freckles!” He would exclaim with a huge smile on his face.

“Are they that visible?” I whip open the car mirror from my passenger princess seat and stare closely at my face.

what the car mirror saw

Panic is usually my first reaction as I realize how relentless my freckles are: no matter how much sunscreen I smatter on my face, my freckles pop up like weeds. As the panic subsides, it’s replaced with a recent conviction that I want to love this prominent feature of mine.

My freckles boast the amount of time I spend outside playing volleyball, going on walks with Harvey, and basking on picnic blankets. They remind me of how much life I’ve lived and how much more there is still to enjoy. They guide my youth and encourage me to live freely, daring me to create more with each new adventure.

My freckles are constellations on my body.

On some days, they are darker than usual. On others, they fade and go into hiding. When they are coaxed out, I stare into a mirror and trace them with my fingers, memorizing the new additions and greeting the old. They are relentless because they are a part of me.

I hope one day if I choose to have children, they will also have freckles that I can stare at and smile. When they are red and blotchy after a day of running around in the sun, their freckles will come out to say hello to mine. When new ones spread across their face and arms, I will know that the sun has watched tirelessly over them. My husband and I will exclaim giddily on car rides that their freckles are more visible today, and I will hold out my arm behind me so they can compare.

And when they pore over their freckling body parts, I will promise them that they will love their freckles even when they’re older, because they are simply constellations on their bodies.